1 week & Counting!!!!!!!!!!

This week has gone by so darn fast and no matter what I did I couldn't seem to find the time to get this blog update written. I had a paper due this week in my Literature class that was completely stressing me out but finally I have it finished and I can relax a little. Our last appointment was this past Monday October, 1st. The drive to Chicago seems to get shorter and shorter and go by much quicker but it could be that we don't get lost anymore, Ha! We definitely remember to fill up on gas the night before so that we didn't have to make any emergency stops in the ghetto. This time Ben and I slept fairly well the night before so we weren't dragging along all day. We had great conversations and busted a few moves together listening to the radio throughout the drive. It was one of our best trips yet and I am anxious to go back.

The appointment went well as expected and was about a half hour long instead of a 5 minute quickie. The people there are always so nice and make me feel completely comfortable and welcome. I received the phone call from Nurse C later Monday afternoon saying that my blood work came back great and that my uterine lining was at 14mm. At first I had no idea what that meant or if it was good or bad but she sounded excited telling me so it had to be good. I then began looking it up online what my lining should be at and I read several sites stating that anything over an 8 was amazing. Holy Moly! If I need to be at least an 8 then a 14 is extra fluffy and comfy for that little embie to be! (:

Medications: I stop taking the Lupron injections in 2 days so no more belly shots! Now I am up to 4 patches on continuously which are changed every other day. If at our next appointment my body is at the exact levels the clinic wants them to be then I will stop Lupron on Monday and begin taking Progesterone in Oil injections which I will further explain next time :) All I can say now is I am deathly afraid of starting these shots :/

If all goes well and I am given the okay to start on Progesterone then we will be having our frozen embryo transfer (FET) on Saturday the 13th! Just 1 more week and we could possibly be PREGNANT! Yayyy!!!

Next appointment is on Monday October 8th for another baseline ultrasound and blood work check up.

How am I feeling on the medications: I haven't been getting headaches like before but it has been hard for me to focus and remember things for some reason. I feel very tired especially in the evening but I'm sure it's just my body accepting the changes it's going through. Other than that I feel like my happy, positive, upbeat self and very excited for our transfer day!!!

I will update everyone much quicker after this next appointment as things are going to be coming up fast! I can't believe we have one more week left! Then 10 days after the transfer we will find out the results and hoping for a BFP ----> Big Fat Positive!

:) Thank you for all your support!

2 weeks!!!!!!!

We have exactly 2 weeks until our transfer and it could not be going by quicker. As a family we have been keeping quite busy with work, school, and spending time together while trying to get in some relax time. We are trying to enjoy the last little bit of summer/fall left. We will have 2 more baseline appointments and then transfer day is here. We are going to know Chicago like the back of our hands after going there 3 times in the next 2 weeks. I am getting very excited to see E and A even though it will most likely be a quick visit. We don't have a set time for our transfer appointment but we are thinking it will be in the mid morning. Usually after a IVF transfer you will need to lay down and rest for a while so I will have to be on a mild bed rest for 48 hours to ensure we are doing everything we can to help the embryos attach.

We will be doing a frozen embryo transfer (FET) which means that the eggs have already been retrieved from E and frozen by their fertility clinic. They will thaw the embryos1-3 days prior to our transfer day and fertilize the 2 best embryos to be placed. I'm not exact on all the details yet but when the transfer day gets closer I will know more. The embryos will be placed in my uterus using a 3D ultrasound and catheter. Our F Dr. told us that the actual transfer takes less than a couple minutes and the rest my body will do. I just hope my body works well with the embryos and doesn't reject them ::fingers crossed! I will do all I can to keep these little embies safe, avoid stressful situations, heavy lifting, long hours at work, and rest as much as possible until a pregnancy is confirmed.

How Am I Feeling!? Better than I thought I would be feeling but that's not to say I don't have my days. I never ever get headaches and I have been getting them this past week. I also had a couple nights of feeling very light headed so I went to lay down and felt better after. I'm not sure if it is from the Lupron or the Estrogen but at least it is only every so often and not all day every day. I am getting very used to the shots and the best advice I could have received is when E told me to take as little time preparing for the shots so that I am not thinking about it for a long period. I literally have my preparation and shot done in less than a minute now and glad to say NO MORE MR. ICE PACK ;0 Ha! I have had a few small bruises on the right side of my belly but anytime I give the shot on my left it never bruises so I have been doing it on my left mostly. The patches are super easy but after being on for 2 days at a time they become sticky like a band aid and then I have to scrub the heck out of my skin to get it off. ::Ick. 

I have had long conversation with many people about our journey so far and mostly everyone is super excited with lots of questions. My mom talks about it to co-workers and close friends/family and gets a lot of random reactions about it but I like hearing all of the opinions and how she deals with partial negativity. There were a few ladies who didn't understand why or how I got into being a surrogate and my mom seriously made me cry when she told me her response.

She started out by saying "Now Listen!" (love that by the way) She explained "If you knew my daughter, you would realize that she has been this type of person since the day she was born. She loves helping others and her whole entire life goal was to make a difference for people hence the reason her going to school for Physical Therapy. She has always put others before herself even as a middle school student. My husband and I always expected the unexpected with Chelsea but if she ever came to us with something she wanted to pursue she always went through and accomplished it. One day in middle school, Chelsea came home and wanted to have a serious conversation with me so we sat down and she began discussing that one of her best friend's moms had kidney failure and was on dialysis. You could see the look in her eyes that she was desperate to help her friend's mom so she continued on sayig that I was a very healthy mom with 2 kidneys and that I should give one of my kidneys to this woman. Chelsea could not imagine a girl having to grow up without her mom because she had such a healthy mom. (You could only imagine the thoughts running through my mother's head as I suggested this) I didn't remember this so as my mom was telling me this story everything made sense and it reinforced my decision to become a surrogate even more. This is what I was meant to do and my life has been full of trying to make a difference so I will continue to do that.

After telling this to those people who reacted indifferently they said, "Wow!, what a blessing your daughter is creating!" She is such a proud mom and supports me no matter whether she understands or not. She knows that when I set my mind to something that there isn't questioning whether I am ready for it or not because I am always ready to help others no matter what. This makes me such a proud daughter and blessed to have a great supportive family. No one can be emotionally prepared for something they have not been through and no one can judge how I will react emotionally going through this journey. How others may feel or react does not pertain to myself and I am going into this knowing the amazing thing that will happen in the end so I will absolutely not have any regrets. I understand the idea of being worried for me but I am great, I feel great, and I am doing a great thing and I could never regret that. My mom started going to college for the first time at age 41 and gave me the news a few days ago that she wants to write her college paper on our surrogacy journey, about the process, and her prospective. What a wonderful gift! It makes me happy that more people will be further educated on the modern family and how acceptable it is becoming.


Next appointments October 1st and October 8th for ultrasound and blood work. Transfer October 13th! My heart is pounding fast I am so excited! Eeek!

C:

The Countdown Begins!

It has now been a full week of taking my Lupron injections and they are getting much easier. I don't feel like I have experienced any side effects of the medication as sometimes people can show signs of  constipation; dizziness; general body pain; headache; hot flashes; loss of appetite; nausea or vomiting; stuffy nose; trouble sleeping; weakness; bruising. Glad to say I have none of these but after discontinuing the birth control pills I started my period (as I was supposed to 1-5 days after) at day 4 which of course had to be the day of our First Baseline Appointment this past Thursday, September 20th. On top of that, the UTI I had a few weeks ago came back the same morning. Oh Great! I usually drive while we are going into Chicago so here I am; super early in the morning, burning urethra, cramps from hell itself with the worst lower back pain and my ovaries feeling like they were being squeezed out of me. Ugh! I am not 100% but I believe that this will be my last period so that deserves a huge celebration in itself! I loved being pregnant and not having a period for a year.

Photo of my medication throughout the cycle.

Nice and Neat!

Our first baseline appointment as I mentioned was this past Thursday. This was our first appointment after starting the fertility medications so we were anxious to see how things were done from here on out. We left early in the morning for the 3 hour drive which wasn't bad considering we are becoming used to the routine and the crazy traffic. I forgot to mention earlier that I not only drive on the way into Chicago but I drive out of the city as well and then Ben usually takes over from there. We have learned that I am the better city driver and don't get as stressed out  so it works for us all around. You didn't want to be there the first couples times with Ben driving into the city, roar! lol

Getting back on track, we arrived on time without getting lost and made our way to checking in. We only sat a few minutes are were immediately called back. Very prompt clinic! We went into another waiting area for ultrasound, less than a minute went by, I went in to have the ultrasound done to check the lining of my uterus and the follicles on my ovaries. At this point the thinner the lining of my uterus and the fewer follicles I have the better because that shows them the medications are working with my body and starting me at phase 1 before becoming pregnant. After the 2 minute ultrasound I went to get my blood drawn and we were done. Literally it was a 5 minute appointment for a 6 hour round trip. Yikes! Not going to lie that it was a little surprising that it didn't take long and Ben and I both may have thrown out a "Seriously?!" afterward.

On the way out of Chicago we desperately needed to stop for gas and I didn't realize how hard it would be to find a single gas station in that huge city. Crazy I know! As we drove out we decided to take a random exit to see if we could find something on the main strip quickly. Boy were we in for a surprise! As we are driving there is nothing but over a mile of boarded/caged up old abandoned businesses. It is shocking seeing some of those things when you are way out of your element. Not only was it sad but it was scary. We found a gas station which was a little nerve racking considering the area we were in so we made it short and sweet visit. I hate to say it but the thought of being shot ran across my mind more than once. Jeez O Petes was I glad to leave. The trip back always seems to go faster than the trip in which is good because I'm always ready to be home with Ava.

I updated E and A that I felt the appointment went well but I wouldn't know any results until later that day. I just sent her a little friendly reminder e-mail that the transfer was in less than a month! It is so exciting for all of us that it is getting so close. She sent me an e-mail this morning "3 weeks!!!!!!" I'm not sure when this experience will feel more real but right now, even with taking the shots, I don't feel like it is actually happening. I always wondered when I was pregnant with Ava when it would finally set in that I was going to be a mommy and the first time she ever kicked inside me was when it did. Of course nothing comes close to matching seeing her for the first time and I think this experience will be about the same. It will be so rewarding when I see E and A hold their beautiful baby for the first time after everything we will go through.

I got the call from Nurse C at the clinic who will now be our main contact throughout our cycle. She said everything came back exactly how it was supposed to and we were able to continue with our current cycle calendar for medications. It is so relieving to know that my body is reacting well with the start of the meds! The blood work they took tells them the level of the hormone Estradiol (E2): As the follicles (containing the eggs) mature, the eggs secrete the Estradiol hormone. Therefore measuring the level of this hormone in the blood often gives us a good idea as to how the ovaries are responding to the drugs.

Tomorrow I will start on new medications and continue to take my Lupron injections:

Aspirin. 81-83mg of low-dosage aspirin assists with cycle stimulation and impending embryonic implantation. Administration will continue through the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.

Vivelle patches. Vivelle patches dispense the hormone estrogen which helps maintain an early pregnancy. The patch is applied to the skin on the abdomen and the estrogen is absorbed through the skin. Possible side effects include skin redness, irritation or rash, nausea, and fluid retention. I will place 2 patches every other day until right before the transfer and then it will go up to 4 patches per day.

As if I were not on enough medications I am having to take AZO to stop the frequency and burning of urination and twice daily antibiotics to treat my current UTI.

Our next appointment is Monday October 1st. It is another baseline appt for ultrasound and blood work so we expect it to be quick and easy. 3 weeks until our embryo transfer!!!!!!!

:)

The First Shot!

OH MY GOODNESS!



This is absolutely not a joke and is exactly how dramatic I was right before giving myself this injection. First I may have washed my hands a ridiculous amount of times and not because they were dirty but because my nerves were on edge about poking a needle into my abdominal area. I organized an entire area in our kitchen for all of my meds to be held that is far out of reach of the children. We have made specific rules about David going near any of those items of which do not belong to him and could cause danger. That pretty much got the point across but he did throw in there, "What if I forget the rules?" Ha! Kids are hilarious!

 

After bleaching the 3 drawer tote I am using to store the medications in I put all of them in specific drawers according to the time frame I will be taking them. I almost labeled the drawers and that deserves another Ha! because I can see right through them to know what they are. When I am nervous I have this tendency of making sure I am insanely organized and go over things many many times. After everything was placed I cleaned off the counter with an alcohol pad and placed a paper towel down to set my things on. I laid out the individually packaged syringe, vial of Lupron, 2 alcohol pads, sharps container, the note I wrote myself with direct instructions, 1 gel ice pack, and 1 water bottle that I filled with hot water and was going to be used as a heating pad. Maybe too prepared?!

 

 

 

 I cleaned the vial with the alcohol pad and took the syringe out of the package. This entire time I have the ice pack propped on my stomach against the counter so that I could still use both hands. I pulled back the syringe to the number of units I was going to put into the syringe due to the vial being air tight. I then flipped the vial upside down after pushing the air back into the vial and drew out my dosage. I was sooooooooo scared which doesn't give how scared I truly was any justice. Ben was standing next to saying, "Okay, take the needle out of the vial". I really didn't want to and I replied with, "I am going to be taking my time because I am really nervous" and may have added "I think my nerves are making me have too poop!" Ha! Way to be real about things right?! Sometimes when your nerves get all amped up it does funny things to your system.

 

I take the syringe out of the vial finally and remember, the ice pack is still on my stomach. Ben is standing ready to take the photo of my first shot and here I am not wanting to even take the ice pack off. I wipe down the area I am poking with an alcohol pad and pinch my skin holding the needle out in front, NOPE I CAN'T DO IT! I put the ice pack back on telling myself I hadn't iced it enough. Ha! Ben is being as patient as he can understanding that it my first one but continuously telling me to let him do it for me. Oh No! There is no way I am letting him do my first shot, then I will never want to do it. I just need to get over the fear and stick it in. OK! I am doing it this time. I take the ice pack off and re-wipe the area again, 1...2...3.....................I could have kept counting, 4...5....6 etc. Nope! Yet again I scare the crap out of myself and put that ice pack right back on.

 

At this point it was getting ridiculous. I was making myself more afraid and here Ben is just waiting to take a picture. hehehehe. I kept saying over and over, "I am so scared!". Ben says again, "Just let me do it, I will actually give you the shot rather than you going back and forth deciding when". No! No! No! I will do it this time. I was so darn afraid and my heart was beating a million beats per minute. I kept thinking, "It will be over soon and I will put that heating bottle right on it so I wont even feel the pain". Yikes, here it goes...........AGAIN!

 

Taking the ice pack off yet another time, pinching my skin (saying to Ben, "I wish I had more belly fat right about now"), taking 10 seconds torturing myself thinking about the pain and POKE!

 

Holy **** Holy **** Holy **** Holy ****

 

 

Yes, those were the words running through my mind, Ha! Ben snapped the picture and I took the needle out placing the cap on and in the sharps container it went. WHEW! I felt like I deserved a good laugh for as hyped up I was about doing it and it not being anything to worry about. It was completely painless and easy. Now I am not saying tomorrow I will be jumping right up to do it without a little prepping but it will definitely be easier than tonight. I don't know why, even though it didn't hurt, that I feel so reluctant to want to do it. Maybe just the idea of poking myself with a needle and doing it wrong I suppose. It is crazy because these needles are so tiny compared to the ones I will be starting in another month. You think this experience was delayed. Eeeeeekkk! I am going to have to have Ben give me those for sure!

 

 

Thanks for reading my crazy story and how worked up I got for nothing. I feel silly now that I was that terrified. Priceless memories to say the least. At least I know the days I am not willing to poke myself that Ben is always gung ho about it! Ha!

 

Night Everyone!

Glass or Bottle???

I am seriously so darn excited that I cannot even be suspenseful and take you through the story before I tell you the BIG NEWS! We have finally made our journey official and have signed the contract! Yayyyy!!

As you know from our previous blogs we were running a little behind with the legal side of things. I was so happy when I finally heard from our lawyer on September 11th. This was the original day the contract was supposed to be completely done. Whoops! We were sent the draft contract via e-mail but I didn't receive it until I was already at work. Ugh! I was definitely eager to get out of work early so we could do our part and go over things as thorough and quickly as we could. It took us 2 hours to go over every detail but honestly everything was very straight forward. I was so surprised and grateful that everything written in the contract was in our best interest. Sometimes people disagree with a lot of things so it takes longer to get everyone to agree how things are written. Not in this case and it seems we have been pretty lucky with how things have turned out so far even with some of the small bumps.

We did have some difficulties understand a few things but it ended up not being anything we needed to change. We talked things over with our lawyer the next day and agreed that we were good to go on our end. By that time E and A had already went over the contract and also were ready to sign. I feel like we spent most of the time waiting to hear from our lawyer even while we were going through all the legal. Yesterday I waited all morning for him to call me so I could give him the fax number to send me the signature pages. He called around noon and said he would get the pages to me. 5 o'clock came around and still no word so I ended up getting the pages myself and faxed them to both lawyers offices. It was very annoying for all of us to wait on this lawyer to get his stuff together.

It is beyond crazy to see how far we have already come being signed with the perfect couple and it is a relief more than anything to have the legal part out of the way. I will be starting injections sometime within the next couple days and this will be my last time to have a celebration toast as E said to me, "We all need a glass of wine. Maybe a bottle!" This is where I end with whether tonight the celebration shall include a glass of wine or a bottle. :) I feel that E and A both should be here toasting to the great news but I am sure they are incredibly excited and thankful legal is over as well.

Today around noon E sent me a text saying our clinic received our contracts and that we were all set! We ended the conversation with a big fat "We Did It!" How Rewarding to share that same feeling with them! I received a call from the person who will be working with us through the transfer process & I am all set to start my medications. Tonight I start injections called Lupron.

Lupron: inhibits the brain from secreting hormones that control the menstrual cycle. The ovaries enter into a state of rest, and the patient's cycle can be completely controlled. This medication prevents premature ovulation and allow the patient's cycle to be coordinated as needed. (Pretty much they are taking the hormones out of my body to stop me from ovulating)

I will be on Lupron for about 3 1/2 weeks and it is a daily injection that I will take around 10pm. I have made my entire schedule to revolve all my meds being taken between 9-10pm so that I can make sure nothing is missed and I stay organized. I choose that time because Lupron has to be taken between 6-10pm and with my work schedule 10pm works better. I figure I would take all my meds at the same time so that there is no confusion and I began this process with taking my birth control and prenatals at that very time.
As of right now I will be taking prenatals, birth control, and Lupron daily until September 16th then I will stop taking birth control which is in 2 days! This is so crazy because I have been looking at my med calendar for over a month and it is finally come to the time I start it! Next thing you know it will be time to do the transfer and E and A will be there with us. They had a wedding to go to the weekend of the transfer and had to cancel because I'm sure there is no way they would miss seeing their embryos placed. Very exciting!

Our next appointment is on September 20th so we are looking forward to the upcoming 6 hour round trip. This appointment will be for blood work and ultrasound to check my levels and make sure the meds are doing what they are supposed to.

How are we feeling? I am feeling less stressed now that legal is done but slightly nervous for the injections. I guess we will see how it goes tonight and there will be a much needed blog posting for that alone. Ben is feeling under the weather but as for the surrogacy journey he is excited and nervous to see how everything pans out. He worries about how my body will take to the medications (I think that is more about how moody I may be considering some meds take hormones out of me and some put them in me so I have a feeling it will be a rude awakening on my system) For the most part there are mostly happy feelings for both of us. We don't usually look forward to the long drive but the day of the transfer I will be so amped up! Also I wanted to recap that our transfer date has still not changed and will be October 13th!

:)

Bumps In The Road...

Let me start out by saying that I am a professional nail biter and my nerves most of the time will get the best of me. I can kick the habit for weeks to months and have went a year even but for some reason it always comes back to bite me, well my nails anyway. Lately I have been on edge and the nail habit has been a little to the extreme. I have been super anxious to make our journey official with E & A and have been patiently waiting to hear from our lawyer. It is so bad right now that even during suspenseful t.v. shows or driving I will go to town on those darn nails. OUCH! Every morning I wake up regretting the night before munching away at those finger nails. You would think I'd learn right? I know! I have been thinking about some techniques I could use to help me get my 'center' back. I absolutely hate the disgusting habit and NEED NEED NEED to knock it off immediately. I have done the yucky tasty nail paints (which make my cringe just thinking about them), the colorful/timely painting of my nails to warn me not to bite, and the husband approach (he is supposed to tell me to quit when he catches it). I just hope we get these contracts done or my poor poor nails will be no more I'm afraid. (WHOA! Just caught myself trying to slip the finger to the mouth in the middle of a typing pause. Ugh!) This is not good...

Why have I recently turned up the notch on my nail biting?! I realized a couple weeks ago that I was getting low on my birth control so I e-mailed our new nurse, Nurse T, to have her send me a prescription because I would need at least another week supply. I hadn't heard back so I e-mailed again. I'm the type that has to have everything planned in advance and I like knowing what is going on. When I still didn't hear back I began getting worried so I let E & A know what was going on to see what I should do from there because I didn't want to get off schedule over the little birth control pill. Finally today I received an e-mail from Nurse T but she wanted to let me know when my next appointment would be and whether I would be coming to the clinic for ultrasounds/blood work or if I would be staying in Michigan. I responded and again her know about the birth control and that I had some questions about the medications I received. YES, I got all my meds in the mail today! Exciting! Until I pulled out the intramuscular needles, EEEEEEEK! I cannot lie that I am afraid to start those but am glad I still have another month before I do. Nurse T called me and we worked everything out, she sent the prescription to my pharmacist and went over the meds list with me to make sure I had everything I needed.

The major thing I have been so anxious about is the legal side of things. I wish I could say that it was a major issue that we don't agree on that is holding us back but it is simply the lawyers conflicting schedules the last 2 weeks. E & A's lawyer went on vacation and ended up getting stuck in the Caribbean because of the hurricane that came through. By the time their lawyer got back and had everything all set up for them, our lawyer went on vacation and was not scheduled back until tomorrow! (Which is the day we are supposed to have the contracts signed, sealed, and delivered) If that doesn't frustrate us enough, we have not even heard from our lawyer to go over any details and the clinic has us on a timeline all the way up to our transfer date. The clinic has been generous to work with us letting us have until the 14th to get our contracts done but we are worrying that if the lawyers don't get it in gear asap we will miss our transfer date and have to wait until November, BIG SAD FACE! That means that I will need to continue on birth control and be sent a brand new medication/appointment calendar. This would annoy me a little because I already have my daily planner filled out stating every medication I need to take each day. It is better for me to keep track that way and you will see what I mean in my next post. E is just as frustrated as I am and we all want to keep our transfer date as in and not have to push it back. As upsetting as it is for me, it is not even close to matching how upset E & A must feel. The pressure is definitely on! E & A said they they went through all the legal and were not picky about a thing so I am glad for that considering we are also not picky hopefully making the contract process more simple. I hope to just go through the steps, understand what is written in the fine print, agree, and sign! Not that this is much to ask but I would like all of that by tomorrow evening, Thank You Mr. Lawyer! (:

I love that I am able to help E & A and the last thing I want is for them to be disappointed. I understand that I cannot control things like this and that maybe pushing our dates back is not the worst thing that could happen but I know how much they want this and it kills to hear their disappointment. I know they are both doing everything they can to make this work meaning contacting everyone connected in helping us do so. I received many many calls yesterday from our nurse, pharmacist, agency representative, to E & A themselves. There are alot of people in this to help us manage these bumps along the way and that definitely makes me feel good to have that much support outside my family/friends. Fingers crossed for no more bumps in the road and smooth sailing from here on out.

Questions: I have been getting a lot of question marks from people when anything pertaining to legal/contracts come up. Yes, we have to have contracts written up that E, A, Ben, and I agree on. This contract states all of our rights and liabilities going into surrogacy making things clear for all of us. It will also include fees, expenses, and all case scenarios whether good or bad. Easiest way to put it is that you should always know what you are getting into and the best way to protect everyone is making it legal.

Next Post: How our contracts are coming along, upcoming appointments, and the start of Lupron, our next medication.

Goodbye Grumpy Monday & Hello Tomorrow Tuesday! (:

Revealing Our Journey

It has been a few weeks since our last posting and I have been so anxious to give you all some updates. Unfortunately life has not been the easiest to work around and finding time to fit in some writing has been difficult. Ben and I have been searching for the perfect home to buy and have nervously been awaiting a call back on an offer we have made. I had been planning a surprise 30th birthday party for him all month and finally I pulled it off without him knowing thanks to an enormous amount of help from my close friends and family. I began classes for this fall semester last week and our son David started school today. Whew! If that wasn't enough, I had the worst UTI ever for over a week and I finally went to the doctor to get some antibiotics. THANK GOODNESS! Of course now that I start feeling better Ava is not and she had a horrible vomiting experience a few nights back. Glad to say that her sickness only lasted 12 hours and the entire family is back to normal and healthy.

Our next huge step was to discuss this surrogacy experience with our son David. I have been ridiculously nervous and have been rambling thoughts back and forth (on paper of course). Those who know me personal, know that I am religious when it comes to writing a crazy amount of notes down. It is my way of staying organized and it has gotten my this far so I see no need to change it. Due to our mixed matched schedules Ben and I were not able to talk to David together about surrogacy. I think it is neat that David gets to individually speak to both of us and see how we both feel separately first then we will bring the conversation up as a family. We went into this wanting to do it in pieces so that we don't overwhelm him with too many thoughts but also wanted to keep it as simple as possible.

Here goes everything....

This past Sunday morning David and I were watching Jon and Kate Plus Eight on Netflix. As we were watching all the kids interact with one another David randomly asks "where does the egg come from?" I was completely thrown off guard so I replied with a question, "Where does what egg come from?" He says, "The egg that makes all the babies". Perfect! I was waiting for the right timing and here it was. I paused the show and asked David if he knew where babies came from. This is such a touchy subject I imagine with every family and I wanted to make sure that it was appropriate for his age being only 6 1/2. David told me that babies come from an egg and a mommy's belly. Okay, this is a great start! I explained to David that mommy's have eggs and daddy's have sperm. When the eggs and sperm are mixed they form into a baby right inside a moms belly. He thought for a slight second and had no more questions about how a baby was made, which I was thankful for because it could start getting awkward with him wondering how the sperm gets to the egg ya know?! He looked as if he was soaking in the information and that he would accept the response I gave.

David 

 

 

After I got what I thought would be the hardest part out of the way I talked to David about what makes a family. He said "a mom, a dad, and kids make a family."  Cute! We began discussing how there are many ways to make families and I asked if he would like to know the different ways. He was interested so I explained the traditional way which we just discussed and next would be adoption. I asked him if he knew what that meant and he surprised me replying "when a mom and dad can't take care of a baby another mom and dad adopt them." Not too shabby little man! I explained that not every situation of adoption is the same but he knew as much as he needed to know at this point.

 

I was getting pretty nervous because next on our list to talk about was surrogacy. He seemed to still be interested but he was beginning to get distracted so I needed to make this quick and simple. I told David that another way to have a family is through surrogacy. Right after I said that, he felt the need to say the word surrogacy a couple times, must be that it sounded neat to him. I told him that some mommy's have broken bellies and are not able to carry babies inside. He asked how bellies can be broken and answered his own question all in the same sentence, "OH because their baby bones don't work right?" All I could do was smile because it is so darling how he says things sometimes. I told him, "Exactly!" Except I referred to them as baby parts rather than baby bones.

 

David seemed to be pretty distracted, showing signs of boredom,  so I needed to give him something to be excited about. I started talking about laboratory's and instant excitement came from him. He started talking about scientists and doctors so I just went with it as this is a long conversation to keep a 6 year old interested in. I told him that sometimes when a mommy has a broken belly they go to a doctor in a laboratory and the doctor takes the mommy's eggs out and puts them in a lab dish. Okay, he is real interested now! Then the doctor mixes the egg from the mommy and the sperm from the daddy all together. I told him that some mommy's who have great working bellies are able to help carry other mommy's babies that don't have great working bellies. I believe an eyebrow raised at this statement. "How?", he asked. I said, "After the doctor mixes the egg and sperm in the lab he puts them into another mommy's belly so that she can keep the baby safe". He wanted to know how the doctor got the embryo into the other mommy's belly but before I panicked with thought he tried to answer his own question, "Oh they go into surgery and have to wear a mask?" I know, not exactly the right answer but I let him go with that and stuck with it.

 

Finally we were having this conversation and it seemed to be running better than I thought it would. I just had to come out and ask David what he would think if I carried another families baby for them. He said, "you don't have a broken tummy because you had Ava". I told him, "that's right", and that if we were a surrogate family for another mom and dad, the baby would not be our baby and it would not be his sibling. He said the cutest thing in the whole world, "No, the baby would just be my friend".

AWWWW!

 

We have one picture of E and A via e-mail and I asked him if he would like to see who the parents of the baby would be. I told them their names, where they lived, what they did for a living, and how they could not have a baby without our help. He was excited! I again told him that we would not be taking the baby home with us in the end. I explained that we were going to help them have a baby of their own and give their baby a safe place to live until the baby was ready to go home with E and A. He  said in the most mature way, "Yep!, They will come to the hospital with us and be in the room but some people don't want to watch the baby come out so that's okay". HAHAHA! You never seize to amaze me David! Right again, we both agreed that the best way to describe what we were doing is babysitting. He kept saying that we would be the baby's sitters. I told him that this is something very special and that we are happy to be apart of it. I asked him how he was feeling about all this information and he said that he didn't know but with time I know this can turn into an amazing thing for all of us. Ultimately he needs a little time to absorb what I just told him and it always takes time when you are taken from your everyday norms into something a little different. I expect him to be a little scared or to have questions and we will do everything we can to include and comfort him.

 

We have decided to let David choose the nickname for the baby or how we refer to the baby on a daily basis and in our blogs. So far his ideas are jones or sassy. hehehehe. Any ideas are welcome so that we can throw them out their for the little man to think about. Not so sure about calling the baby sassy throughout the experience. tehehehe.

 

Ah, it is a sigh of relief to finally tell our David story and we are so thankful for all the love and support that so many of you give on a daily basis. To recap where we are on the medical stand point, I am still on prenatal pills and birth control but will be starting Lupron injections in exactly one week! In a way I am super excited yet on the other hand a little nervous about the shots. I've heard these aren't bad what so ever compared to the later injections I have to take so I can be thankful for that. Since I start actual fertility meds soon we have to get our legal side of things finalized and I am getting super nervous about that because we have yet to hear from our lawyer. I am not able to begin any fertility meds until our contracts are finished so if we are not done with them by September 11th it will push back our transfer date. Fingers crossed that things will all work out this week and I will post on any updates.

 

Good Night Friends!

 



A Small Update but a Huge Heck Ya!

We got the news a couple days ago that all of our labs came back NORMAL at our appointment on the 9th! Yippee! All is good to go! We now have to focus on getting all the legal done before I need to start medications. If anything should happen to where we can not get all the legal done by September 11th then that will postpone our transfer date. As of right now our transfer date will still be October 13th. :)

I began taking prenatal vitamins four days ago and let me just say, yuck! The after taste is awful and I thought I was going to puke for sure. I realized I had not ate anything so I quickly did so and felt MUCH better. I took these same prenatal pills when I was pregnant with Ava and they never made me sick, thank goodness! I did not start taking them until I was already pregnant though so there might be a little bit of a difference in how they affect me as of now until I am pregnant. Glad to say it has already been better taking the prenatal pills and no signs of uneasiness as long as I eat with them.

Tomorrow I begin the first step in the medication process, birth control. Strange right? The clinic we are going to only does transfers 2 week out of every month therefore they put me on birth control at a specific time to line up my cycle with theirs. Make sense? This process regulates my cycle and gets me ready to start Lupron (the next step in the med process). I will be on birth control a total of 29 days and then one less pill. I'll take it! :)

Birth Control & Small Black Pouch Comes With It

Right now I am feeling pretty pumped up! Maybe a little too pumped up because we do still have a couple months before our transfer but just knowing that the ball is rolling makes me feel awesome! I'm anxious to start the legal part of things on our side as E and A are mostly all set to go with their side of things. We are still waiting for our lawyer to contact us for a meeting to get things going. So, we sit here and play the waiting game for a little while and everything will end up all going into place as it usually does. I guess I am just ready to make things official official. Yep, two officials are better than one!

E was telling me that many IP's going through the process of setting up the contracts will require a specific diet for the surrogate to follow. Wow! They laughed when their lawyer asked if they would be putting that in the contract. I'm so happy to have such laid back and supportive IP's. I replied that it wouldn't be so bad having a calorie count in our contract, then maybe I would only gain 20-25 lbs instead of 55! Goodness Gracious! I have learned my lesson especially now that my starting weight this time (October 12') will be a little higher than last (March 11'). I will be working hard to keep my weight down and hope for not too much water retention.



Upcoming Blogs: Telling David about our surrogacy journey, the legal side of things, all the wonderful support we are experiencing, and some personal news in our daily lives.

Thanks for reading!!!



All or Nothing - Part 2!

To determine whether we would be able to move forward with our surrogacy journey, we were required to take a psychological test. This test was almost 300 questions and random they were to say the least. True or False "Do you feel people try to rob you?", "Do you hear voices?", "Are you afraid of windstorms?", "Do you want to be a Nascar driver?" Hmmmm...

I just can not imagine some of the people who have tried becoming surrogates and truly are psychologically damaged. It makes me feel good that one less couple in the world (E and A, our IP's) have the risk of having a less than competent woman carrying their child. That is such a scary thing and I can't imagine being on the other end of this experience. I feel that there is much more for E and A to worry about than us including trusting us to take the best care of their baby while they can't always be there. I loved the most being able to hear Ava's heartbeat in a instant by getting out our at home heart beat monitor, feeling her all day everyday knowing that she is still moving, and having my own peace of mind about the nutrient intake she had. This was all because I could carry her myself and I can't begin to put myself in E and A's position not having that luxury. It makes me cherish those small things and not take anything for granted because to some people those small things are EVERYTHING!

Another important thing we had to go over with Nurse M was the medication list I will have to take until I am around 12 weeks of pregnancy. I will be required to take 9 medications ranging from patches, pills, injections, to suppositories. I have strict charts I have to follow telling me which medication to take and when to take them. Right now I am able to decide whether I want to take them in the morning or in the evening but once I start I have to keep taking them the same time everyday because they are on a 24 hour timeline. It was definitely a lot to take in at one time learning what each medication is for and exact how to administer each. I'm sure once I have things written down the routine will come naturally. It is a good thing I am so organized already because it will take a little routine altering but I have faith it will work out just fine.

MEDICATIONS!? I have gotten a lot of questions about the medication aspect of our journey which has kind of caught me off guard. Many people had no idea that medication would need to be taken and are confused why I have to take so many things so strictly. To everyone inquiring about this, here is your answer. The easiest way to explain this is each medication serves a purpose in manipulating my body into thinking that I am actually pregnant. The F. Dr. is unable to place embryos into my body as is because my body will reject the unknown if it is not prepared to be pregnant. This means that my entire cycle has to be lined up with the F. Dr's. transfer cycles. I will take medications that will provide my body with the right hormones, lining of my uterus, vitamins, and antibiotics. It seems a little excessive all written on paper but every medication has a purpose and in the end will provide an even better home for a baby then I could do on my own. When do we start our med cycle? As soon as the legal side of this is all said and signed we will begin. We are thinking that should be taken care of in the next couple weeks leaving us with a transfer date of....drum roll please......October 13th! We will have at least 4 more visits to the city before the actual transfer day. Each visit will consist of blood work and ultrasound to keep track of my body's progress.

I'm feeling great! It is so weird for me to say that I can not wait to start my period (I would never normally say this!) because I can't begin taking the meds until I do so to keep things on track for the cycle they need me on. I'm anxious to hear back from Nurse M to give us the absolute GO to continue. As soon as our agency is contacted with the good news that our pre-screening went great then our lawyer will contact us to schedule a meeting soon. We will be expecting to go over every detail with good or bad situations but I will update on what actually happens in our case.

Nervous! I'm not exactly looking forward to giving myself shots although Ben said he would help out with that. I'm hoping for the best and that the meds don't take a huge toll on my body making me feel weak or drained. I've heard man people say they affected them each differently so I hope I am one of those who take well to them.

You Tube - I have saved many links from this website to start up yoga again. I want to continue with zumba as well but I am planning on making the zumba my own mix of things. I don't want to overdue myself especially with taking medications so it will be all my favorite music and however I feel like dancing that day. :) Any movement has to be better than no movement right? I think so!

David - Ben and I have David this week and he will be going back to his mom's house Sunday evening. We plan to fully get our thoughts together and write down exactly how we want to tell David about our surrogacy journey. Some people have explained to me their thoughts and how they see this being hard for David to understand because "he wont be able to see his little brother or sister" ... ??? That threw me off guard a little! I guess some are still not understanding that this baby will absolutely not be related to us in anyway. We will not be going into the conversation with David stating that this is his sibling. I'm not sure how the conversation will go yet but I will definitely be posting a blog for that alone. We will go into this with a special role for David and maybe a nickname for the baby. I think it is extremely important for David to feel included and not left out. We want this to be a great experience for all of us as a family <3

All in all this trip was exactly how we wanted it to turn out! It was a great experience learning about the process we are going through and we can't wait to have things made official in writting! Glad to say that our drive out of the city was such a sigh of relief compared to the drive in! Excited to update you all very soon! Thanks for all your love and support!

All or Nothing!

It feels like forever since I have been able to actually have something to blog about. Things this past month have seemed to go by rather slowly but August 9th finally came around Thank Goodness! We were scheduled this appointment to go through all of our medical pre-screening and psychological evaluations to let us know if we are for sure able to move forward. I was so anxious the night before our appointment in Chicago but luckily I was still able to sleep. We woke up super early to make sure we had everything ready for Ava to go to the sitter and for our trip to the clinic. The drive down was adventurously interesting to say the least. It rained spontaneously the whole way there and back. When we got into Chicago, traffic was ridiculous and we ended up taking a wrong exit. BUMMER! Traffic was bumper to bumper and it was extremely hard to get turned around. We ended up right in the middle of China Town! What!? It was definitely the most stressful drive we have had yet and I was so thrilled to find our way back on the highway.

After all the craziness with the drive we were 20 minutes late for our appointment. We called ahead and they were beyond understanding and made accommodations for us with ease. I remember signing in and being so shaken up from the drive that my handwriting looked completely different. Yikes! We were almost instantly called back and finally met our wonderful nurse M. She was very welcoming and guided us through what we were going to do this appointment. My nerves were finally starting to ease up with all the warm attention we were getting.

First things first! They had to make sure that we were not already pregnant and that was confirmed in minutes. I was then taken to a room down the hall to have my ultrasound performed. It was a little different of an experience than the ultrasound I had with Ava. It was much quicker and I was so thankful I didn't have to drink a ton of water before hand. It was different seeing my uterus without a baby in it. This was the part of the appointment I was mostly nervous about. You never know how your body healed after having a baby so they had to make sure I was adhesion and polyp free. I was told to expect a little cramping but it turned out that it was completely painless. The great news is the actual transfer is even less than the ultrasound as far as how long it takes and pain. Okay Okay! I know you are eager to hear how it went! Perfect! They said my uterus was beautiful and that it was an absolute positive ultrasound! Fantastic! It is a huge weight off our shoulders to know for sure that I am physically able to go on with our surrogacy experience.

The next part of our appointment they took my blood pressure (127/70) and Ben and I had our blood drawn. Part of this appointment was to speak with a psychologist so next we went into an office to sit and talk. I was feeling very nervous but it was a pretty straight forward meeting. It was mostly the woman asking us questions to make sure we had thoroughly thought about every aspect of surrogacy whether good or bad. It was a way for her to get an idea of how prepared we were and for us to think through certain things that we may not have thought about.

There were only 2 things that Ben and I really needed to discuss that threw a curve ball at our initial plan. One being that I could die and when this topic came up there was a long silence of thought. Of course it is a scary thing to think I have a possible chance of dying to help someone else and that I would be leaving my family behind. It is not something that anyone wants to discuss or think could happen but that is the reality. Death is a risk with any pregnancy whether it be a surrogacy or not. About 550 in 4 million women will die from child delivery. That is not a low enough number for my taste and in the end I don't want to die but it is a risk I am willing to take in order to help this deserving family have a child. I am passionate about doing this and it is completely worth that number above in order to go through this experience and to do such a self less meaningful act. I wrote in all my scholarship applications to college about my passion and my absolute guarantee to make a difference in the world not knowing how big of a difference I would end up making. This is my way in this part of my life to make that difference and to give back.

I don't expect everyone to understand and it is perfectly normal for people to choose not to agree because that is how we get to different places in life than others. People go through different experiences and have different passions and that is what makes them the people they grow into being. I am the person I've always wanted to be. Strong, independent, driven, and giving.

On to the 2nd thing Ben and I hadn't fully thought out, David. We knew we would eventually have to explain to David that we are helping another family have a baby of their own obviously in other terminology and more simply put as he is only 6 years old. We initially thought it best to wait to tell him until I began showing so that the less time he has to be confused about things the better. That was spiraled into a completely different direction after our nurse (M) sat down with us to go over all the medication I will need to start on soon. We realized that there is absolutely NO WAY David is not going to notice all these changes. There is going to be way to much going on with me for us not to tell him as soon as possible. The last thing we want is for David to be confused or to feel left out so he is going to have a special role in our experience and help us give love to this very special baby who needed a home to grow in. We are still in the process of working through the details of this conversation with David before it actually happens. I want to be prepared so that it can be straight forward, simple, and as less confusing as possible for a 6 year old. We were also informed that it may be best to talk to David's teachers at school because children tend to like to share their home life and a situation like this can easily be interpreted in many ways. It is best to let them know so that they are prepared for anything that may come up and then they have a better idea of how to explain things if there are questions.

It was refreshing being able to talk to someone about any issues that could possibly come up and it made my decision to want to be a gestational surrogate that much stronger! I have decided to make a part 2 to our "All or Nothing" blog because the entire appointment must have gone well in order for us to go any further. I will be posting soon!