After all the craziness with the drive we were 20 minutes late for our appointment. We called ahead and they were beyond understanding and made accommodations for us with ease. I remember signing in and being so shaken up from the drive that my handwriting looked completely different. Yikes! We were almost instantly called back and finally met our wonderful nurse M. She was very welcoming and guided us through what we were going to do this appointment. My nerves were finally starting to ease up with all the warm attention we were getting.
First things first! They had to make sure that we were not already pregnant and that was confirmed in minutes. I was then taken to a room down the hall to have my ultrasound performed. It was a little different of an experience than the ultrasound I had with Ava. It was much quicker and I was so thankful I didn't have to drink a ton of water before hand. It was different seeing my uterus without a baby in it. This was the part of the appointment I was mostly nervous about. You never know how your body healed after having a baby so they had to make sure I was adhesion and polyp free. I was told to expect a little cramping but it turned out that it was completely painless. The great news is the actual transfer is even less than the ultrasound as far as how long it takes and pain. Okay Okay! I know you are eager to hear how it went! Perfect! They said my uterus was beautiful and that it was an absolute positive ultrasound! Fantastic! It is a huge weight off our shoulders to know for sure that I am physically able to go on with our surrogacy experience.
The next part of our appointment they took my blood pressure (127/70) and Ben and I had our blood drawn. Part of this appointment was to speak with a psychologist so next we went into an office to sit and talk. I was feeling very nervous but it was a pretty straight forward meeting. It was mostly the woman asking us questions to make sure we had thoroughly thought about every aspect of surrogacy whether good or bad. It was a way for her to get an idea of how prepared we were and for us to think through certain things that we may not have thought about.
There were only 2 things that Ben and I really needed to discuss that threw a curve ball at our initial plan. One being that I could die and when this topic came up there was a long silence of thought. Of course it is a scary thing to think I have a possible chance of dying to help someone else and that I would be leaving my family behind. It is not something that anyone wants to discuss or think could happen but that is the reality. Death is a risk with any pregnancy whether it be a surrogacy or not. About 550 in 4 million women will die from child delivery. That is not a low enough number for my taste and in the end I don't want to die but it is a risk I am willing to take in order to help this deserving family have a child. I am passionate about doing this and it is completely worth that number above in order to go through this experience and to do such a self less meaningful act. I wrote in all my scholarship applications to college about my passion and my absolute guarantee to make a difference in the world not knowing how big of a difference I would end up making. This is my way in this part of my life to make that difference and to give back.
I don't expect everyone to understand and it is perfectly normal for people to choose not to agree because that is how we get to different places in life than others. People go through different experiences and have different passions and that is what makes them the people they grow into being. I am the person I've always wanted to be. Strong, independent, driven, and giving.
On to the 2nd thing Ben and I hadn't fully thought out, David. We knew we would eventually have to explain to David that we are helping another family have a baby of their own obviously in other terminology and more simply put as he is only 6 years old. We initially thought it best to wait to tell him until I began showing so that the less time he has to be confused about things the better. That was spiraled into a completely different direction after our nurse (M) sat down with us to go over all the medication I will need to start on soon. We realized that there is absolutely NO WAY David is not going to notice all these changes. There is going to be way to much going on with me for us not to tell him as soon as possible. The last thing we want is for David to be confused or to feel left out so he is going to have a special role in our experience and help us give love to this very special baby who needed a home to grow in. We are still in the process of working through the details of this conversation with David before it actually happens. I want to be prepared so that it can be straight forward, simple, and as less confusing as possible for a 6 year old. We were also informed that it may be best to talk to David's teachers at school because children tend to like to share their home life and a situation like this can easily be interpreted in many ways. It is best to let them know so that they are prepared for anything that may come up and then they have a better idea of how to explain things if there are questions.
It was refreshing being able to talk to someone about any issues that could possibly come up and it made my decision to want to be a gestational surrogate that much stronger! I have decided to make a part 2 to our "All or Nothing" blog because the entire appointment must have gone well in order for us to go any further. I will be posting soon!
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